Mariangela Parra

Your friendly neighborhood economist.

Cabin fever

Posted on March 13, 2020 by MParra

The unthinkable is happening. New York is closing its doors. Museums are shutting down tomorrow. Schools are closing left and right. Concerts and gatherings are off the table. The city that never sleeps is getting ready to hibernate.

Corona virus cases are getting closer and closer to home. We have been at home for 4 days now and we may have to stay here for at least two more weeks. Thanks to modern technology I have been working non-stop. That certainly helps diminish the cabin fever feeling.

Speaking of cabin fever, my favorite movie is “The Shining”. What we are living can certainly be a threat to our mental health and force some of us to feel that All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy… all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy… I may reach that point if amazon stops delivering…

Something I am really missing is Taekwondo. I am so hooked with it that I got myself a uniform and I am happy to report that this started a trend in the class. Yet, I missed class last Friday as my new job got frantic very fast, and now it is cancelled until further notice. I asked the teacher if she would give classes via skype. Wait, what? I don’t know who I am anymore, but I like this new me.

I wonder how many things will forever change after this emergency is over. For one, we will have experienced telecommuting at full length and those reluctant to it may finally get used to accept and welcome it. The barrier that still made presential meetings more appealing than virtual ones has been broken. In short, technology has really come to stay at the workplace.

In quarantine, I recently rediscovered Coupling. I used to watch it every Friday night in BBC America. It is ridiculously funny. While I can’t relate to the anxieties of being single anymore and can’t really watch Sex and the City again anymore for that reason, Coupling is still full of relatable and hilarious situations. The giggle loop, captain subtext and the head laugh are just classics. I highly recommend it. It is a very good way to withstand this strange horror movie situation we are all experiencing first-hand.

How are you dealing with it? Is your city closing down?

Memories

Posted on February 2, 2020 by MParra

My earliest memory is a flower tile of the first place my parents shared. I know it is real because there are no pictures of that place. It looked like this picture from a restaurant serendipity brought me to one day. For years I had very few memories of my childhood. I recently had a revelation about why and since then memories keep coming.

Trauma can really change your brain in just a few minutes. And kids really do not talk about what happens to them. They blame themselves or are afraid of how others will react. It is terrifying to know that you cannot be protecting them every second. I only hope that I have created a relationship so safe for my daughter that she will be able to tell me anything and I will be attuned to let her grow and be independent despite the risks.

I think the tile may explain my fascination with mandalas. I am enjoying coloring them again, after a long hiatus. Clarity last week was followed by an overwhelming sense of comfort, an exaltation of the senses that are usually numb while I watch tv and play on the phone. I realized that I am out in the world and nobody has tried to put me down.

I have only found kindness and empathy from you and those I interact with daily. I feel so blessed and thankful. It has also reinforced the conviction that there is a world to be won by truly appreciating others. Carnegie’s first principle to not criticize, condemn or complain may not be an easy one to abide by but it is certainly one I am embracing.

This week I shared my dissertation with colleagues. We are working on a similar topic and it made me very happy to think that it could be somehow useful, if only to brainstorm. I am so far away from who I was just years ago. I am not sure how I went from reading The Confidence Code, to putting myself out like this.

I also wish it was not so difficult for women to do that, and especially to do it without having to resort to aggressive strategies. I really believe that my generation could be the one to start changing the reticence tide that surrounds women in leadership. We can be strong and assertive and at the same time support each other, men and women. I do hope that when my daughter is my age things will be different. Will you help?

To be or not to be

Posted on January 20, 2020 by MParra

When I was pregnant, I received innumerable pieces of advice. A recurrent one was to speak to my child in Spanish so that she would be bilingual from the start. It didn’t happen. I missed one important part of the advice: you must create a relationship with your child in that language. Maybe it only happens to me, but once I establish a friendship with someone in one language, it is quite awkward to jump to another language, and my relationship with my daughter developed in the language of Shakespeare.

True, I spoke to her in Spanish as much as I could, but only sporadically as the rest of the family speaks English and it was a bit too much for me to change back and forth. I read to her in Spanish, translating all her children books, which doesn’t necessarily result in fun reading. At some point, I realized I had missed the window. While she will learn Spanish at school, I hope she also creates a lot of relationships in that language. I went to a French school and I was good at it. I had a great accent and passed the Baccalaureate. But without friends or family to practice with, it didn’t become an integral part of me the way that English has. And how not? Listening to my daughter recite “To be or not to be” with an English accent is delightful. I feel pride and love that filter through my whole being.

I have been trying to recover French for a while now. I changed my phone system to French, I read books, I speak to anyone who can bear the awkward pauses while I look for a word that only comes to my mind in another language. I sang along San Francisco today in front of my surprised daughter. I think I should get to a class if only to hopefully meet someone who can be my friend in French. Any takers?

I guess the main barrier with language, at least for me, is to be palpably aware of the many mistakes I make, even if only in terms of accent. My daughter and hubby find some of them hilarious. That was why I avoided social situations in English when I arrived in the US and I guess that is why I hesitate so much in French these days. I must go over my self-consciousness and just focus on what I want to say. I am sensing a pattern here. Maybe life is just about persistently try to do what you want to do, despite your own insecurities. Is this something everybody goes through? Or mostly women?

Changes

Posted on January 17, 2020 by MParra

Adapting is perhaps one of the most important skills in life. At least it has been for me. I have been thrown into thorny situations, as much as anybody else has I guess, and without adapting skills I could have been seriously broken. Yet, I survived and thrived and at this point I welcome change and challenges. The question is, how did I acquire those skills? Can you learn to adapt without going through hardship? Or, more importantly, how will my daughter be able to face adversity and adapt without going through a somewhat difficult childhood? I hear horror stories about kids that go to college and commit suicide because it is their first experience with rejection and failure. And yet, I would do anything in my power to protect her from any real suffering. How can I not? What would you do?

Anyway, just yesterday I was thinking about how different this January has been for me. It is the first January without a dissertation to write, and somehow it feels very empty. As work slows down a bit during the holiday season, I used to devote this precious time year after year to advance on my research. I guess I somehow miss that urgency. And it is not the first time I look back at Dissertation times with nostalgia. Am I insane???? I recently reread my first posts and they candidly show that the experience was mostly excruciating for me… dark times. I felt insecure, tired, overwhelmed. Yet, I guess I adapted to it and now I guess I miss it.

The change of all changes is getting old. And adapting to ageing is something not everybody does gracefully. I still feel like an adolescent sometimes and refuse to let that feeling go. A decade ago, crossing Central Park on my scooter used to be one of my favourite activities. Today, it sits in my closet. I frequently look at it with the conviction that I will use it again someday. I may. I am not afraid of embarrassment and I could still do it and enjoy it. Yet, that day hasn’t come… Come to think of it, it may not be about ageing after all. My relationship with physical exercise has been an erratic and mostly uncommitted one. I go from one extreme to the other. When I first moved into our building, I went to the downstairs gym everyday. That lasted a month, and I haven’t used it since. Same with yoga, Pilates, swimming, running, etc… I only hope taekwondo doesn’t join the list too soon. I am going to my second class this week…

The Roaring 20s

Posted on January 15, 2020 by MParra

I have decided to tackle the 2020s as they come. Or better yet, as I perceive them. I have great hopes for them, at least in my own small village of family and friends, as I am finally free of pending lists and bad feelings. I intend to use this page to reflect on the news, the music I listen to, the books I read, family life and, why not, even economics. I may not write frequently, but when I do, I hope it is entertaining enough to find readers that may feel curious enough to come back for more.

You can go your own way! Go your own way.

I have been thinking a lot about parenting. My daughter is the most amazing person I have ever met. I guess most parents of my generation or younger generations feel like that about their children. Still, my main thought is how to provide her with all the strength she will need to face the vicissitudes of life. At the end of the roaring 2020’s she will be an adult. I remember telling her years ago that if she would remember something I ever said, I wish it was that she ought to love herself and that she should conquer her fears so that they don’t keep her prisoner. I think she loves herself. And I see her facing her fears in ways that I am not sure I ever did. Still, it is a journey and I am sure I will write more about this soon enough.

My previous adventures in writing were so enjoyable. Writing about why I couldn’t progress on my dissertation and then finally writing my dissertation were both life-changing. I only hope these new adventures in writing will be worth something too.

Welcome to the roaring 2020s!