Mariangela Parra

Your friendly neighborhood economist.

Until the end of the world

Posted on April 3, 2021 by MParra

Movies and music used to be an important part of my life. I used to hang out with cool friends that could speak for hours about Win Wenders and obscure soundtracks. I never knew too much about those myself but I guess I brought other things to the conversation. Fascination for example, and endless curiosity.

Courtesy of the pandemic we now have access to all streaming channels available. This includes Criterion. And yes, I finally got to watch the movie with such a great title and amazing soundtrack. It turns out that the soundtrack was more successful than the movie. I can see how excruciating it would have been to watch it at the movie theater. At home, with pauses for life and sleep, it is a 5-hour masterpiece of imagination and travel.

It got me thinking about art and artsy people that spend their lives following their passion and making a name for themselves. I admire their courage and dedication. So much to say about their time and understanding of the world. I am not sure much will be left to reminisce about in 50 years. Maybe I am already too old to appreciate new trends, but somehow I doubt tiktok will pass the test of time.

That takes me to reading. For years I have felt guilty and sad about only reading for work. I reminisce of the summers at my grandparents farm, laying in a hammock and devouring book after book. It is difficult to replicate that sense of eternity and lack of urgency that allows you to just embody the story the characters are going through. It also takes good writing. And that is as precious as gold.

I am very partial to certain authors and styles. I guess coming from the country of Macondo I was destined to enjoy the so-called Literatura Fantastica. Cien años de soledad and La casa de los espiritus are my all time favorites. I think it is also about timeless families and stories. I couldn’t get enough from Guadalcanal and now from Largo Petalo de mar.

I am not sure any of those will be the same in English. Each language has its own music and very rarely have I enjoyed a literary translation. Yet, I guess if you don’t know the original language it doesn’t matter. So if you have a chance I encourage you to try some Isabel Allende, Garcia Marquez, Benedetti, William Ospina, and let yourself go.

Memories

Posted on February 2, 2020 by MParra

My earliest memory is a flower tile of the first place my parents shared. I know it is real because there are no pictures of that place. It looked like this picture from a restaurant serendipity brought me to one day. For years I had very few memories of my childhood. I recently had a revelation about why and since then memories keep coming.

Trauma can really change your brain in just a few minutes. And kids really do not talk about what happens to them. They blame themselves or are afraid of how others will react. It is terrifying to know that you cannot be protecting them every second. I only hope that I have created a relationship so safe for my daughter that she will be able to tell me anything and I will be attuned to let her grow and be independent despite the risks.

I think the tile may explain my fascination with mandalas. I am enjoying coloring them again, after a long hiatus. Clarity last week was followed by an overwhelming sense of comfort, an exaltation of the senses that are usually numb while I watch tv and play on the phone. I realized that I am out in the world and nobody has tried to put me down.

I have only found kindness and empathy from you and those I interact with daily. I feel so blessed and thankful. It has also reinforced the conviction that there is a world to be won by truly appreciating others. Carnegie’s first principle to not criticize, condemn or complain may not be an easy one to abide by but it is certainly one I am embracing.

This week I shared my dissertation with colleagues. We are working on a similar topic and it made me very happy to think that it could be somehow useful, if only to brainstorm. I am so far away from who I was just years ago. I am not sure how I went from reading The Confidence Code, to putting myself out like this.

I also wish it was not so difficult for women to do that, and especially to do it without having to resort to aggressive strategies. I really believe that my generation could be the one to start changing the reticence tide that surrounds women in leadership. We can be strong and assertive and at the same time support each other, men and women. I do hope that when my daughter is my age things will be different. Will you help?

Changes

Posted on January 17, 2020 by MParra

Adapting is perhaps one of the most important skills in life. At least it has been for me. I have been thrown into thorny situations, as much as anybody else has I guess, and without adapting skills I could have been seriously broken. Yet, I survived and thrived and at this point I welcome change and challenges. The question is, how did I acquire those skills? Can you learn to adapt without going through hardship? Or, more importantly, how will my daughter be able to face adversity and adapt without going through a somewhat difficult childhood? I hear horror stories about kids that go to college and commit suicide because it is their first experience with rejection and failure. And yet, I would do anything in my power to protect her from any real suffering. How can I not? What would you do?

Anyway, just yesterday I was thinking about how different this January has been for me. It is the first January without a dissertation to write, and somehow it feels very empty. As work slows down a bit during the holiday season, I used to devote this precious time year after year to advance on my research. I guess I somehow miss that urgency. And it is not the first time I look back at Dissertation times with nostalgia. Am I insane???? I recently reread my first posts and they candidly show that the experience was mostly excruciating for me… dark times. I felt insecure, tired, overwhelmed. Yet, I guess I adapted to it and now I guess I miss it.

The change of all changes is getting old. And adapting to ageing is something not everybody does gracefully. I still feel like an adolescent sometimes and refuse to let that feeling go. A decade ago, crossing Central Park on my scooter used to be one of my favourite activities. Today, it sits in my closet. I frequently look at it with the conviction that I will use it again someday. I may. I am not afraid of embarrassment and I could still do it and enjoy it. Yet, that day hasn’t come… Come to think of it, it may not be about ageing after all. My relationship with physical exercise has been an erratic and mostly uncommitted one. I go from one extreme to the other. When I first moved into our building, I went to the downstairs gym everyday. That lasted a month, and I haven’t used it since. Same with yoga, Pilates, swimming, running, etc… I only hope taekwondo doesn’t join the list too soon. I am going to my second class this week…

Mandalas

Posted on July 25, 2019 by MParra

I have rejected routines all my life. Perhaps because of a rebellious teen hood, it took me way too many years to get used to even the most benign routines, such as having a blissful breakfast every morning. The thing is, I was not exactly changing the world by not imitating the rules of my upbringing. I was only short-changing myself, especially by not enjoying a latte and croissant in the morning or the necessary coffee break in the afternoon…

What I find funny is that most of my hobbies have a heavy dose of routine in them. For example, I love completing the daily solitaire challenge. I also love filling up the World Cup sticker album every four years. I enjoy immensely exchanging stickers with friends and online, and filling and reviewing my list of missing and extra stickers.

As you can see, the pleasure of checking to-do lists is very close to my heart. This is not to say that I haven’t had more creative hobbies. One Christmas I made colorful necklaces for all my girlfriends. I think I may try that again soon, and this time with my daughter.

I also love coloring Mandalas, as you may have noticed. My beloved gave me a coloring book, way before coloring became such a frenzy. He just knew that I would be into it, and he was right. In addition, my job back then was quite stressful, so having a meditative outlet was crucial to my sanity. It still is.

As I think I have mentioned here before, it was coloring one evening that I decided to drop a dissertation topic that was clearly never going to get done. It came to me like an epiphany that unless I worked on something I was interested in or knew about, I would never finish my studies.

The next day I wrote to my advisor and set up a meeting. I was all excited, even considering writing a general book on primary commodities. My advisor gently brought me back to reality by noting that for a few years already, every December, I had come to him with a new big idea that unfortunately had yet to materialize. Smaller ideas would be more feasible, perhaps.

He also reminded me that I needed to follow the academic requirements of the dissertation. I could write a general book… any time… after graduation. I guess we will see about that.

Give life back to music!

Posted on April 17, 2018 by MParra

Multi-tasking is not all we were told it was. Apparently our brains are impaired by it. The thing is, I love music, all the time, and especially when glued to chair. I feel comfort and a sense of belonging. But it can certainly distract me, especially when I am trying to write.

Still, I refuse to give up the soothing companionship of a randomized list of favorites: rock, folk, old style salsa, Daft Punk and the necessary Latin hymns of Carlos Vives and the like. I also love classical music mixes…until the occasional opera aria creeps up on me. It always takes me out of anything I am doing, with chills. You see, it brings back memories of the neighbor that used to wake me up early every Sunday in my teens. Not pleasant.

Interestingly, last year I started with the motto of doing new things and doing things in a different way, you know, trying to not give constant signals of insanity. In spite of my youngster trauma I went to the opera for the first time. It was quite an experience. I finally understood the fascination many feel about it. The costumes and sets are amazing. There is humor and pain. I would do it again. But don’t ask me to also listen to it, please.

This year my motto is to be micro-ambitious. I think Tim Minchin is on to something there. He advocates passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. So here I am, putting my head down and working (not sure if I would say that with pride, as he suggests; obstinacy is perhaps more accurate) on whatever is in front on me. It has worked wonders, especially to keep up with my studies and, more importantly, my work obligations.

I don’t multitask. On the contrary, I try to make sure I have only one objective for the next couple of hours and move on to another task when I get stuck in any of the many possible ways, by now all too familiar to me. Going for coffee and writing this blog also help, especially to feel human again for a moment.

Right now, end of the day, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds are here with me. The album is “Let love in”. I am going to take it as a signal from the universe to begin the healing after so many battles against shame and guilt…Give life back to music!