I felt light and happy for a few days and then something hit me. Who am I without a PhD to finish? Painfully, I realized that being a struggling working student had become a very important part of my identity. I felt disoriented and tremendously sad.

After all, if my hurdles were over, writing about them was also over. And this blog has given me immense gratification. Yet, the sadness was so overwhelming that it couldn’t just be about my latest, even if wonderful, hobby.

To be honest, I was prepared for a depression after picking up the leftovers of my graduation party. I had even talked about my fantasies after D day here. That the sadness came so suddenly, and especially when I am still 3 long months away from having a complete first draft of the 5 chapters, was a big surprise.

I am still recovering, but after a big session of tears with a dear friend, I feel at peace. For the first time in my life I don’t feel the urge to go after the next big thing. I still fantasize about an MBA and other big projects, but I can finally see that none of them will ever bring me the complete satisfaction that I was perhaps expecting some day (D day of all days!).

High expectations may be the mother of all abstract suffering. I hope I will soon be ready to adjust mine to fully enjoy the many little and big things still to come.